Even as I walked down the aisle making my way to the grand stage, I was second guessing myself. “This isn’t right”, “I am not being fair to him, his heart isn’t in this”, intrusive thoughts like these kept buzzing in my brain like annoying flies and every time I looked at the altar, I would force myself to swat them down. Why was I, a bride, thinking this on her wedding day? On the day that’s supposed to be the happiest day of my life. Perhaps, I should give you a little backdrop.
I had been a happy, single-ready-to-mingle kinda girl during my twenties, and by the time the big 30 came knocking my door, all my prospective matches had vanished. But I didn’t mind, I was very much content in my singledom. It never occurred to me that I needed to get married in order to lead a more complete and full life. However, all that was about to change.
It Was Time To Take The Plunge
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Prabhas and I were not lovers, we were friends. We were “real friends”, not the kinds you bum a cigarette with but never bother to ask them how they have been doing. We were know-every-detail-about-each-other kind of friends. We had met during our first year in college, and our mutual interests in various extracurricular activities had brought us closer. By the end of the first year, we had started spending most of our free time in each other’s company. But and this is crucial, it never became more than that. We remained a constant presence in each other’s lives, through thick and thin.
It so happened that around the time I turned 30, I got a call from Prabhas. It had been a long time since we talked. He had been in the USA for the last couple of years and our communication and hangouts had been limited to once-a-year hour-long phone calls, which were made on occasions such as birthdays, festivals, etc. But this time there was something off about him. He sounded weary as if he was very tired. I could feel the strain in his voice. After a little coaxing, he told me that he had been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. I was shell-shocked to hear that. He said that he was wrapping up his work in the US, to come back to India as he wanted to catch up with friends, (he was an orphan, except his uncle I never met any of his family members).
His voice was like a dagger in my heart. I couldn’t bear the thought of him being all by himself in this difficult time. I wanted to be there for him in every way possible. It was an unexplainable urge. I had an idea, which would allow me to be there for him, but I wasn’t sure how he would react to it. I wanted to be his family, in an official way. I wanted to get married to him and provide him with whatever moments of joy I could.
I Got Married For The Wrong Reasons
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When he came back, he seemed his happier self. Most of our friends couldn’t even make out that there was something wrong with him. But there were moments when he would struggle, and I could see that. After one of his regular doctor appointments, I dropped him home. And as he was about to get out of the car, I asked him, plain and simple, “Will you marry me?” He was taken aback, “It’s a very bad joke.”
I told him that I wanted to be with him, be his family, officially, for whatever time he had left on this planet. He became angry, very angry. Though I wasn’t going to quit, I badgered him and pleaded with him to agree to my proposal. I told him that I couldn’t have asked for a better life partner though I would have preferred better circumstances. This continued for a couple of days until I finally made him agree. Though I still don’t know why he did that. For me or for him, but yes, we decided to get married. My parents were enraged upon hearing my decision, they couldn’t fathom it. All sorts of taunts and jeers were thrown my way, but I was hell-bent on my decision. And in the end, everyone else had to bow down to my wishes.
But Then He Became “My Life”
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Whatever doubts I had, they eventually melted away when I sat down with Prabhas in the mandap. I was at peace with myself. We had a very happy married life before he passed away 2 years after we got married. We were not lovers, but he taught me the true meaning of the term “life partner”. He was my partner, in everything, despite his failing health, and he remained one till his last day.
The joy we found in each other was boundless. I never laughed as hard as I did with him, I never enjoyed life as much as I did with him. I got married to him thinking I was making his life better when in reality, he transformed mine. So yes, by all logic, I knew I shouldn’t have gotten married to him, but I did it anyway. And looking back at our short but amazing married life, I am glad I did.
Note: This story is a work of fiction, it is no way or shape, reflective of the author’s personal opinions.
The post I Knew I Shouldn’t Marry Him, But I Did It Anyway appeared first on STYLECRAZE.
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